Dealing With Death
by nimblnymph
Summary: How does someone who's never killed before deal with death? And how do others help with this guilt? It's gonna be 3 chapters long, one for each of them. It's MA, but if you feel it's too high, let me know! COMPLETE! The last 4 chappies are up!
1. Fuu

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is going to be done in three parts; the event, then two different reactions to that event. Umm... sorry if that's unclear, but you'll see what I mean when you read it. Enjoy!

* * *

Fuu sighed wearily, her feet dragging as she left the restaurant where she'd been waitressing for the last fourteen hours. And no decent tips, either! Cheap jerks! At the end of the day, she barely had enough scraped together for food and drink. Sighing again, she sincerely hoped THIS time, the other two would come through. Jin was fairly reliable... unless he felt it was beneath him to do. Mugen wasn't afraid of getting dirty... but he was lucky to hold a job for more than an hour. This really sucked!

She stopped walking, leaning against the side of a building wearily, toes wiggling around in her sandals to ease the cramping. Fourteen hours on her feet... Those two BETTER have something to contribute! Otherwise, she was going to take care of herself and let them starve to death, watching her eat.

"Hey there! You look a bit lost."

Fuu turned to the voice, barely able to keep her eyes open. A man was standing in front of her. He wasn't handsome, but he wasn't unattractive either. Just... plain. He had a nice smile, though, one that was open and honest. "Huh? Oh, I'm not lost. Just tired, that's all."

"Oh, sorry to assume! It's just... I haven't seen you around here before. Thought you might be a tourist."

Smiling back, she pushed away from the wall, ready to keep walking. She really wasn't in the mood to be hit on. "Well, I kind of am. I mean, I'm just passing through on my way to Nagasaki."

His smile widened, eyes moving down to where her breasts SHOULD have been. Mugen's blunt comments left her feeling a little insecure about her chest. She folded her arms over where he was looking, blushing dark red. "Listen, I'm not really in the mood-,"

"Let's get a drink," he interupted, pulling one of her hands free from her folded arms. His hand brushed against her breast and she jumped, pulling at the grip he had on her. He wasn't letting go.

"Um... no thanks. Look, I better get going. My boyfriend's probably looking for me." She tried to pull away again, gasping this time as he pushed her up against the wall, hips grinding into hers. "Ew... creep! Get off me!"

"Something tells me a scrawny bitch like you doesn't have a boyfriend," he said, lips pressed against her ear. His teeth bit down hard on her neck and Fuu screamed in pain as blood flowed down her skin. The sound was quickly cut off by his free hand closing over her mouth. She kicked and fought with all she had as she was dragged into the alley and pushed up against the wall again.

Fuu tried to scream again but was slapped hard across the face and flung into the ground. She scrambled, nails tearing as they dug into hardened earth, desperate to get away. "Hey! Lemme go and I promise I won't say anything! I swear it!"

The man chuckled, flipping her over and pinning her hands over her head with one of his. "Tell anyone you want. No one's going to do a thing to stop it." Fuu screamed again as his fingers began searching under her kimono. She kicked and bucked, trying to get away from his thick hands, fighting until she wore herself out and was panting heavily and sobbing. This wasn't happening... where the hell were those two? "HEEELP!"

* * *

Mugen looked up from his post outside the whore house. Sounded like that little bitch screaming. She was too boyish lookin' to get laid. Which meant she was screamin because... "Hey, kid!"

The ten year old boy he hollered at came over, wide eyed. "Yessir?"

He pulled out a single gold coin and said, "Watch the door for an hour or so. I'll pay ya when I get back."

"Four pieces, half now, half when you get back," the boy argued.

"You little shit! Two, and that's all I'm offering!"

Smiling, the boy held his hand out for the gold coin. "Mister, you've got yourself a deal!"

Mugen ran off, muttering about the little bastard. And those mutters turned to cussing at the girl he was running to try and protect. "I swear, if it ain't someone attacking her lily white ass, I'm gonna beat the shit outta her myself!"

* * *

Jin stopped tugging the small row boats back in place, the rope looped over his shoulder and arm with the ease of someone who had been doing it all day. There was only one woman he knew that had lungs like that. He quickly tied off the boat and found the old man in charge of the docks. "I need to go."

The old man looked up in surprise. "Huh? But your shift's not over yet!"

"I'm sorry, but there's something I must do. Pay me for what work I've done and I'll return if I can to finish my shift."

Mumbling, the old man dug into the purse at his side and pulled out the required payment. "Here ya go, sonny. Go buy yourself a pretty lady!"

Ignoring the comment, Jin pocketed the money and ran for that voice. He knew there was only one thing that could make her scream like that.

* * *

The man lunged off of her with an angry howl as Fuu managed to get one hand free, scratching her nails down his face. "You little bitch!" She cried in pain as his fist landed along her jaw, causing black and white dots to explode in her eyes. Those cries turned to more screams as he pried her legs apart, her kimono ripped and ruined, exposing her small breasts to the cold air. "I'm gonna fuck you good, girl! Let's see how loud you scream then!"

"No... stop it! HEELP!" Fuu continued to try and hit at him, twisting her knees to hit his groin, anything. He bit her neck again, drawing more blood, which momentarily distracted her from another pain, further down. She screamed as loud as she could, hoping someone would come and check out what all the noise was. Where was everyone? Where were Jin and Mugen? Why didn't they come like they always did?

Turning her head away, closing her eyes and trying to ignore the grunting from the man on top of her, she let the tears fall hopelessly. She wasn't going to be saved, she realized. All those times... and they weren't there for her. Sobs turned to wails and she opened her eyes, wanting to memorize this man's face so that when Jin and Mugen DID show up, they could kill the right person.

Her eyes locked onto something else instead and held. Pink laquer with flowers on it... little good luck charms... Fuu bit her lower lip to keep from screaming at a particularly hard thrust and took the free hand he was ignoring, stretching it as far as she could. It didn't have to be deep, just enough to get his attention. The laquer was cold against her bruised fingers as she worked the knife from the sheath. His breathing was changing, the grunts growing louder. Damn it, he was almost done! Fuu finally got a hold of the knife and, with an enraged snarl, she brought it down into his shoulder.

Except, he decided to move then.

And the blade ended up going through one side of his neck and out the other.

Instead of landing in his shoulder like she'd intended.

Fuu spluttered as blood sprayed directly into her eyes and coated her face. The man was making odd gurgling noises, eyes wide and body spasming. She squirmed out from under him, using her hands to try and dig all the bood off of her, screaming now as she watched him die. The man continued to twitch, her little knife embedded in his throat. Gods... oh, gods, what had she done? What... how did she... what had she DONE? It was self defense, yes, but she'd never KILLED anyone before! She covered her eyes, giving way to the hysterical sobbing as she rocked back and forth, kimono hanging around her waist in shreds.

Footsteps, one set soft and the other clattering, came to her before skidding to a hault. "Fucking hell..."

"Fuu, are you hurt?" Cold hands touched her naked shoulders and she screamed, slapping them away. She knew they were Jin's but she couldn't look at him, didn't want him touching her. That man was bad, he deserved to die... but why did she have to be the one to do it? She wasn't a killer, like those two! Why did he have to move? Why was it her knife in his throat? She was a good person, she didn't murder people!

"Man... she got him right through the wind pipe," Mugen observed, nudging the now still, and staring, corpse with his foot. He bent down, pulling her knife out and wiped it clean on the man's shirt before sheathing it and holding it out to her. Fuu looked at it, unable to touch it. That knife had taken a man's life. It wasn't the same... it wasn't the same... "Come on, take the stupid thing! I look like a fag holding it."

Shaking her head, she brought her knees to her chest, hiding her face again. She couldn't, she couldn't, she couldn't...

"Mugen, go across the street and get one of the women from the brothel," Jin ordered softly.

"Fuck you and get one yourself," Mugen snarled. "This isn't the time to be whoring!"

"It's not for me, it's for Fuu. It would be best to have a woman deal with this than us," the quiet samurai explained.

"Huh? Why not us? It's not like we're the ones who did this."

"Honestly, your stupidity continues to amaze me."

"Oh, yeah, well... fuck... you!"

Sighing, Jin tried once again to get Fuu's attention. She whimpered and tried to make herself smaller, shrinking away from his hands. "We'll discuss this later. Right now, she needs help."

Still muttering and cursing, Mugen trudged across the street to do as he asked.

Fuu looked up when Jin moved away from her, tears still running down her cheeks, cutting a path through the rapidly drying blood, and sniffling to keep from letting that fall, too. She winced as he lifted the body easily, depositing it in a dumpster nearby. He then proceeded to use his sandaled feet to scuff out the blood on the ground, erasing any signs of a struggle. And he did all this without a flicker that it bothered him. How could they kill so easily? How could they just stab someone with their swords and watch them die without feeling anything?

More footsteps, several hushed whispers as women surrounded her, all talking at once about getting her inside, making her their special tea, cleaning her up. Fuu numbly let them guide her back into the brothel, glancing back at the two men behind her, completely uneffected by the death she'd caused. Why? Why was she the one to have done this?

Why her... and not someone who couldn't care? She didn't know how to deal with a person's death!


	2. Jin

She wasn't acting right. Not that she ever truly DID act like a normal woman. She wasn't acting right for herself. Jin watched Fuu move around the small room they had scraped enough money around to rent out. He continued to sharpen his sword, eyes lowered slightly so she couldn't see him watching. Mugen had taken the early shift as a guard for a bank. He would be taking the midnight shift which didn't start for another half an hour or so. So much the better. He doubted the other even realized Fuu wasn't behaving normally. If it didn't involve tassles or bouncing tits, Mugen wouldn't notice it.

There was a clatter as Fuu dropped the cooking pot on the floor. Jin's frown grew deeper. It wasn't uncommon for the girl to drop things. But to not even rant about it being the pots fault... that wasn't like ehr at all. He stopped sharpening his sword to watch her full out as she quickly righted the pot and put it over the fire before adding the stale sake they had left and some ugly little dried mushrooms she'd found on the side of the road. She hadn't told them what she was doing, simply went over and quietly picked the mushrooms out of the grass before stuffing them into a little pack and walking on.

He went over the events of that day, trying to find anything that would have made her upset enough not to speak. Nothing. Mugen had been his usual disgusting self, but even he (as callous as he was) hadn't tried speaking a word to her. His memory flashed back on a body lying on top of Fuu, her knife protruding from his neck. Surely she wasn't still... No, that made sense. Fuu was the type to let something like the death of the man trying to rape her effect her. Damn it...

If there was one thing he was beginning to value in life, it was how truly kind Fuu was. He would never think of her as a lover, but she had become, dare he say it, a friend. One he would kill for to see that she was always smiling. If the bastard who took her smile hadn't been dead already, he would have been now. Jin slid his sword back home in it's sheath a bit more roughly than usual, making her look up with big brown eyes. She wasn't very skilled at hiding her emotions. He'd seen the internal agony just as clearly as if she'd given voice to it. This had to stop. If she continued dwelling on the event, it would destroy her.

"Do you understand that it was him or you?" he asked softly, keeping her eyes locked with his.

Fuu hugged herself closely, biting her lower lip. She nodded once.

"Then why do you persist in punishing yourself for staying alive?"

"Killing's bad," she whispered, tears slipping free to fall on her kimono. "I'm a bad person."

"No, you're not. You will never be a bad person, Fuu."

The look she gave him was of someone dangerously close to being lost in their depression. He hoped that since he couldn't save her with his sword, perhaps he could with his words. "How do you know? You made the choice to kill someone, and now look."

"No, I chose to live. There are different types of killing. There are those who kill for greed or for their own sick pleasure. Those are the bad people. Then, there are those like you who kill to keep from being killed by the bad people. These are the good people."

"There's nothing good about killing," she insisted.

"Not in the act itself, no. But in the motives behind it, sometimes it is."

Fuu closed her eyes, shoulder shaking as she finally cried. "What if I turn into one of those bad people?"

Jin remained where he knelt, hands resting on his thighs. "You won't. That's not who you are. You're the kind who should rise above this. True, you took a life. But the authorities said he'd taken the lives of fourteen other women. He would have made you his fifteenth. Is the life you took, the one who commited these atrocities, really worth the tears you're shedding?"

She was watching him now, eyes dry, lips parted as he continued to speak. "I think deep down you know you did nothing wrong. I think you're scared and hurt by what happened and you're lashing out at yourself over those emotions. Don't. You're more than one bad person's life, Fuu. Don't sacrifice who you are over it." Jin stood without another word and left the room to go relieve Mugen.

* * *

Fuu stared after him for the longest time, his words circling around in her head. It made sense, all of it. She was still shocked by it. This had to be the longest conversation she'd ever had with the quiet samurai... and also the most meaningful.


	3. Mugen

Mugen hefted the coins in his pocket, the ones he'd 'confiscated' from the bank. He liked that word. It was better than just saying he stole it. Sounded more official. The bank didn't pay him very much to sit on his ass and wish he was at a brothel. No matter, he could go there now! he entered the red light district, whistling absently. His eyes roamed from side to side at the different whore houses, trying to decide which one looked like it would have the hottest girls.

He was glad they'd left that other town. It was boring at best and fucking dull at worst. The only exciting thing was Fuu killing some guy who'd tried to rape her. And she got away with it, no charges pressed. AND she got to keep the knife. Lucky bitch! the officials had been decent, just asking that they leave after making sure Fuu wasn't hurt. Not bad for her first kill... not good either.

He hated the fact she was being so goddamn quiet. She didn't even LOOK at him when he'd told her he'd rather rub up against a wash board than her bony ass. Of course, Jin had given him the 'glare' but he as usual ignored it. Except... she wasn't screaming back at him anymore. he hated admitting it, but he was beginning to miss her shrill come backs. It was part of the fun. Now... he was bored all the time!

She wasn't acting like her normal self either. He doubted Four-Eyes even noticed. The bastard never noticed anything beyond the end of his nose. Weren't glasses supposed to make you see better? He needed to get his money back, then! Mugen could only guess what was wrong with her. Fuu was probably upset over killing some wannabe rapist. She probably thought she was going to hell and all that other bullshit. Heh, she was stupid! Hell wasn't for people like her. It was for him and Pale Boy. Pale Boy... yeah, he liked that better than Four-Eyes. He couldn't wait to call Jin that the next time he saw him!

Mugen stopped when he passed a shop, walking backward to look in the window display again. Speaking of Fuu... he saw something there that looked like her. Yeah, she'd like something like that. Feeling the weight in his pocket, he decided he had enough and went in. If that little bitch ever said anything again about him not doing shit for her, he was gonna break some teeth off in her mouth! He leaned on the counter and banged on the bell until someone came out from in back, looking mightily annoyed over the noise. It was their own damn fault for putting a bell out like that!

"What do you want?" the man asked coldly.

Mugen motioned over his shoulder with a thumb. "I like your window, pops. The black one with the little pink flowers... how much?"

"That one. Fifty ryo."

"Kiss my ass! I've seen stale pussy for cheaper than that. I'll go fifteen."

The man's eyes widened at the greatly decreased price. "Fifteen! Are you trying to rob me?"

Damn it... what a good idea! Why hadn't he thought of that before ringing the fucking bell? Gritting his teeth at how dumb he was, Mugen, said, "I'm not payin' fifty for that."

"Thirty, then!"

"Twenty!"

Rubbing his chin, the man grinned and nodded, holding out his hand for the money. Mugen forked it over, still pissed that he didn't think of stealing it first. Damn it, she was rubbing off on him! Once his purchase was wrapped up and he was given a receipt which he crumbled up and left on the counter, Mugen returned to the little room they were renting out. He was really proud of himself for this gift. This was just what she needed to feel better!

Fuu was stretched out on the thin sleeping mat, hair loose and eyes closed. She wasn't sleeping though. Mugen squatted down next to her and tossed his gift onto her stomach. "Here, gotcha somethin'."

She opened her eyes, confused. Sitting up, she pulled the tie on the thin little package and reached in. She stared at the thin little knife and sheath, almost exactly like hers except it was black laquer with dark pink and red flowers instead of the white on pink. "Huh? What-,"

Mugen leaned over her and grabbed her old one, the charms tinkling against one another. "This one isn't any good." He pulled the charms free and handed them to her as she continued to stare numbly at him. "So, I'm gonna toss this piece of shit for you, okay?" He stood up and left, knowing she was staring after him. He'd known she'd like the gift... but he hadn't expected her to check him out over it! Damn, now he had one more female to beat off with a stick.

* * *

Fuu returned her gaze to the slim little knife, pulling it free of it's sheath. Mugen had gotten her a gift? How unexpected... She smiled, returning the blade home before wrapping both hands around it and hugging it to her. Inappropriate? Hell, yes! But touching? An even bigger hell yes. She knew this was only Mugen's way of letting her know he cared and was worried about her. He figured if she didn't have the thing that caused so much pain, she'd be fine. And, in a way, he was right.


	4. Back To Normal

"Come on, you two! We've still got a long way to go yet!"

Both Jin and Mugen stared after the bubbly brunette in surprise. Was it really only yesterday that she'd been moping around the room, silent and seemingly deaf? What a remarkable change! Both picked up the pace, walking shoulder to shoulder behind the girl as they started over a small bridge going over a river.

"She seems to be doing better," Jin remarked softly.

:Oh, so you DID notice?" Mugen returned dryly.

"Of course. I'm only glad I was able to help her."

"Excuse me? YOU helped her? Back up a bit, asshole, _I_ was the one to help her?"

Jin quirked a brow, gaze sliding over to glare at Mugen. "I beg to differ."

"Beg all you want, Pale Boy, that doesn't change the fact that I helped her and not you!" He grinned, proud that he'd gotten to use his new insult.

Now he had the other's full out attention. "Pale Boy? How childish. Did you spend all night figuring that out?"

"You're just jealous I got her to smile again!"

"Hardly seeing as I was the one to make her smile."

Fuu stopped, turning around when she realized both her bodyguards had their hands on their swords. "Hey, guys? No killing each other, remember? And I can't believe you two would fight after spending all night trying to seduce me!"

Both turned slowly to look at her. Fuu began to back away from the mischievous smile on Mugen's face and the equally mischievous glint in Jin's eyes. She screamed when both of the ran for her, tackling her to the ground. "HEY! JUST WHAT THE HELL- AAAAAAAH!"

Mugen grabbed her wrists. Jin grabbed her ankles. Together they swung her up and over the side of the bridge, leaning over as she continued to shriek right into the water. Spluttering up to the surface, Fuu pushed her hair out of her face, trying to keep her kimono from billowing up around her. "Hope the cold water helped cool you down," Mugen shouted.

"I was NOT trying to seduce you," Jin added just loud enough for her to hear.

Trudging out of the water and slipping as she walked up the bank, Fuu hit first Mugen and then Jin. Mugen burst out laughing and shoved her back onto her ass. Jin only smiled, wiping the water from his sleeve. Both men knew exactly what she was about to shout...

"YOU BIG JERKS!"

And just like that, everything was back to normal. Fuu was screaming at them. Mugen was shouting back. And Jin tried to remain the silent observer. Neither man would admit it to the other, but they were glad to have Fuu back as she was.


End file.
